Dear Diary ; here's to finding my Prince Charmingg;

Dear Diary;

What is the 'perfect man' ? Or, more correctly put, who? Some say he's tall dark & handsome. Others say he's Prince Charming, personalized. And still others say he simply isn't out there.

But I know they're wrong - they must be. Otherwise, all those stories we grew up hearing, all the tales Disney fed us about meeting The One and riding into the sunset, they're ALL LIES. What would happen to those poor, naive girls who spend their lives being handed everything, and walk around thinking that they don't need to work, or be productive, because THEY ARE SUPERIOR ? It's proposterous, right ? It's simply inconceivable. Those girls who say he doesn't exist MUST be wrong, right ? We have nothing to worry about. Disney would NEVER lie, right ?

 But guess what, girls ? Disney DID lie. The perfect man doesn't exist, because NO ONE IS PERFECT.

I know, I know. You're all SO SHOCKED, because you were SO SURE that YOU were perfect. But, you're not. Get over it.

Anywho,

Like I was saying, the perfect man isn't out there because no one is perfect. I DO think that The One is out there, but I think we need to re-define him.

I think that when you find Him, you'll know. He'll do more than just make you feel special. He'll be that one person who you almost unconciously open up to, more than you have with anyone else, ever. I think he'll be that ONE person who you show the REAL YOU- even if you didn't know the 'real you' wasn't showing. I think he'll be the one who trusts you more than anyone else, and who you trust in return, regardless of your age, how many places you've been, or how many people you've met. I think at the end of the day, you should be able to look back and see your past with just enough clarity - like looking through mist. I think your present should be RIGHT THERE, clear as day, and ,as for your future ? I think it's best not to know the details. It should just be you & that person, together. And if you've got that, then I'd say you're pretty damn lucky.

I said that the perfect man isn't out there because NO ONE is perfect to everybody. So, find someone who's perfect for you. Find someone who makes you smile, even though you feel like your hearts been ripped from your chest. Find someone who gives you hope, even if it feels like your dreams have been thrown on the ground & left behind.Find somebody whose imperfections MAKE them perfect. Sure, he'll have flaws- we all do. But he'll also make you laugh, dance, smile, sing, and hopefully, just love life. Find that person, and never let them go. Because if you do, you'll never find a replacement, and you'll always regret it.

Love is scary. It's terrifying, it's heart-pounding, and it's enough to make you chew your fingernails completely off.

But personally, I can't wait.



xo,
  ashley;

Dear Diary - here's to the boy who doesn't know what he's missing.

 Dear Boy;

I do not know who you are or where and when we will meet, but i do hope it is soon. I pray that when we meet & fall in love, you will love me, for me, and not hope for someone thinner or prettier. I hope you won't compare me to girls with brighter smiles. I hope that you will make me laugh, take care of me if i get sick, and be trustworthy. I hope you will remember that i prefer daisies to roses, and that my eyes are not blue - they are blue,green and gray, depending on my mood. Please know that i might be too shy to kiss you at first, but please don't be afraid to kiss me. I won't slap you, or push you away. I'm sure your kisses will be perfect. When we go on a date, please don't stress about where to take me. What's important is that i'll be with you.


     If I cry, please know that it isn't your fault - just hold me close, and i'll heal quickly.  And if it is your fault, i'll heal just the same. And if we decide to break up, please understand that i may be bitter, but i'd like to be your friend, if you'll let me. I promise to remember that you have feelings too - even if you won't admit it, and when you are ready, we'll have a friendship.


   Please tell me if something i say or do bothers you. or just doesn't sit right. I would like you to always be honest with me, no matter how much it may hurt my feelings. If i have a bad day, i hope you will shower me with confidence and smiles.


   I hope you don't think i am asking too much of you. I hope you understand that i am a little but scared, and a lot bit nervous. I wish i could tell you how or when we will meet, and if  we will be in  love forever, but i can't. Every relationship is a new game of cards and, [sigh] i've never been very good at cards. But i will try my best to be kind and love you for all that you are, without expecting too much. After all, we're only human.


Thank-you for listening, this is all that i ask;


Your's always,


ashley;
xoxo.

Dear Diary;

Ok, so im thinking of writing a new.. segment (???) i guess, called Dear Diary.  My REAL diary is, apparently, not as fool-proof as i thought; people keep finding it and reading it. So, since they dont know I have a blog, this is my new Diary :)

Hold on to your hats, people. Here comes trouble.



______________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Diary;

Sometimes, we have to run..
Just, drop everything, and hit the road. No goodbyes, no looking back.
I dont think we do this to be hurtful, though.
I think we do this to see who cares enough to follow us; chase us down and bring us back.
I believe we do it to see who's willing to put their life on hold, and risk losing it all, just to make sure we don't fuck up ours.   What am I talking about ? Oh, i don't know. Maybe..
Running off to Vegas, becoming a 'cocktail waitress' (stripper), falling in love with a black jack dealer, and getting eloped with 'Elvis' as the minister ? [Not that there's anything wrong with that; it actually sounds pretty fun. I might try it some day, just for a change of pace. ]

The only problem is, sometimes, people use this as an escape. They're  too afraid to face life, too scared to stand up and say what they're thinking, or how they're feeling, so they run. They delude themselves into believing that they're only running to see whose willing to bring them back, when, in reality, they're running to escape. They hide behind their denial, bent over at the waist, and flat-out sprint for the nearest exit.
We use it to cover up the truth, because, the truth is, we ARE afraid. But, as any make-up junkie can tell you, even the BEST concealer can be washed off.  And, i guess, i'm worried. Lately, i've been thinking. (Try to hide your astonishment, please, ) and  I started to consider taking off, as soon as the year was over. I started thinking that, maybe, on July 1, i should pack a bag, and go. Anywhere, i dont care, as long as it's not here. I'll be 15 by then, and, while it's not old enough to drive, it IS old enough to decide where my summer is spent. And, im thinking... Hamilton ? Or, maybe, Port Dover ? Hm... beaches, bikini's, tans, shirtless boys..
Oh yeah. DEFINITELY  Port Dover ! ;]

But, like i said, im worried.
Am i just taking a trip ? Or am i escaping ?

And if i AM escaping, what am i running from, exactly ?

Or, maybe... maybe im running TO something. Or someONE...
Hm....
I dont know yet.

All i know is, everything will be OK - it has to be.
Because my only other option, if i don't believe that, is to believe that my life is collapsing, and there isn't a thing i can do to stop it. That all my secrets, and the walls i've built to protect those secrets, are going to blown out into the wind, where everyone can see them.

And i'm not sure i can handle that.
So im choosing to believe it'll all be OK, because, otherwise, i'm going to lose it.


Have YOU ever felt like you needed to just, run ?
What did you do ? Where did you go ?

You Know You Need A Vacation When....

Lately, all my parents have been doing is working. If  they aren't AT work, they're working from home. Or, they're complaining or planning about work. I started suggesting a vacation, and  was told that 'they dont need vacations, because they are perfectly calm. They are not stressed AT ALL, and they need they're jobs if I want a new phone" So, i wrote a list with some things they do or say that PROVE they need a vacation. Clearly, they do.

1. You start dreaming/day dreaming about work/things happening at work.
2.  You start thinking about early death from Job Stress to comfort yourself.
3. You spend all your time in the kids' pool dreaming of the Bahamas (i have actually seen them do this is the bathtub, in bathing suits.)
4. A co-worker comes in happily saying 'good morning !!!' to everyone, and you think 'Somebody needs to slap the shit out of her.'
5. Someone walks in and announces 'Office Meeting in FIVE minutes !!' , you feel like saying 'what the FUCK do they want now ? '
6. Last time the printer failed, you went into a two-hour long screaming, crying fit, whimpering, "Its not fair....I, I just want to print."
7. You're considering signing up for an expedition to search for the North West Passage because it would get you out of the office.
8. The only thing stopping you from forming your own end-of-times cult is deciding on a design for the jackets. (Seriously. They drew sketches for the jackets. He wants blue guns on the back, She wants pink explosion signs....) [ No, i'm totally kidding. They couldn't sketch a jacket design ! They SUCK at drawing ! ]
   
9. You hospitalized the last person who criticized your choice of fonts.
10. You’ve replaced your office chair with a beach towel.
11. Whenever you leave the house you pretend you’re lost and can’t speak the language
12. You watch LOST wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sipping Mai Tais. (My mom actually does this.)
13. You make your kids wear flotation devices on snow days.
14. You only buy travel sized bottles of shampoo, aspirin and liquor.
15. Your alarm clock is broken. Your cell phone is in pieces across your bedroom. Your iHome is covered in Band-aids. Why? Because you have literally beaten the crap out of every instrument that attempts to wake you up in an orderly fashion — including your roommate, who is less than pleased.
16. Your mom is “worried about you,” something you haven’t heard since you didn’t make the tennis team in sixth grade. ( My grandma actually said this to me the other day...)
17. You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.
18. You blasted your Daily Planner with a  .357  Magnum 2 weeks ago, and you've still made EVERY.SINGLE.MEETING.
19. You consider how relaxing it would be to be sitting in jail right now.
20. You contemplate shooting the boss (only in the foot ! ), so you can fake being incredibly sad, and take leave.

  So,
Do YOU need a vacation ?
&also, where would your ideal vacation be ?